I cannot begin to express....

How impressed I am at one of Katherine's really good friends. He's having a birthday party on Saturday, and in lieu of gifts he wants everyone to make a donation to the Richmond Animal League. I'm in awe of Banyan for being so selfless and kind at the age of, almost, ten. He lost his father to an aneurysm just a few short months ago, too. I am also impressed that Katherine has surrounded herself with really good people in her life.

Tracking my blood pressure (This is more for me...)

This morning (May 21) it was 116/77 and this is after taking only 25mg of my beta blocker for one full day. I plan on continuing to track it on this blog so I can have all the information right at my fingertips.

Man oh man

Last night I watched a movie called Antichrist and it is a mind fuck. As in I almost turned it off because it filled me with such dread. D-R-E-A-D. I don't scare very easily but this movie filled me with such terror that I was almost too afraid to shower alone and it took me over an hour to shake of the uneasy feeling the movie instilled in me. If you choose to watch this movie you have been warned that it is fucked up....fucked up to the nth degree.

I will never watch that movie again as it has seared itself into my psyche. The only way I could purge it is to either get amnesia, dementia or if I literally scrubbed my brain. I don't know if it had the same kind of affect on other people as I did me, but you would have to be one fucked up person if it didn't make your skin crawl.

Ahhhhh

I saw my cardiologist today and I am being weaned off of my heart medicine. I am so very fucking relieved because I would think of my mortality each time I swallowed a pill. Y'all may not understand the previous statement, but each pill reminds me that we're all fragile and not permanent. Shit, I'll stop before I get too depressing....lmao.

So now I'm going to focus on exercise and losing the remaining baby weight that doesn't seem to want to go away. I've been frustrated because I feel I should have lost five pounds by now, but my weight has stayed completely the same. THE SAME!!! I know I had Tommy less than four months ago, but I figured eating no more than 1400 calories a day and getting at least 45 minutes of exercise five days a week that I would be down to what I weighed when I was almost five months pregnant. I do find it sort of funny I weigh more not pregnant than I did almost halfway through.

Okay, I'll stop whining and continue to be grateful I'm still here.

I just remembered today

I am a film geek! Sometimes I'm snobby about it, too, but I am unabashedly a huge fan of good movies. I spent most of today reading the blog, Things That Don't Suck by blogger Bryce Wilson, simply because I was giddy (and I mean giddy to the point of almost crying) that someone else loves movies the way I do. I never once felt I was reading an ever smug lover of good cinema waxing poetic on their favorite actors/directors/screenwriters in a psuedo intellectual way. I felt his emotion and his true love singing forth and it's oh so fucking refreshing. I'm not talented enough to ever articulate in the way he does about some of my favorite films, so it's like visiting with old friends when I happened upon his blog.

Can't you tell I'm still in the afterglow of some good reading?! I have a reason to get excited about my favorite movies again. I hope I can discover some brand new loves along the way, too.

Today I'm about to...

Walk out the door. I love my husband and our children dearly...really I do. However sometimes my husband just bugs the ever living shit out of me. I either get the very exasperating, "I can't do anything" bullshit or he argues with me. There is never a happy medium! Sometimes I get so fucking frustrated I want to scream or leave like I do right now.

I realize our son is his first child (my daughter is his step-child) but he isn't helpless. He acts like he is and I refuse to take over just so he can get out of doing something for Tommy. I honestly do have three goddamn kids. FUCK ME!!!!!